i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
