Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
