i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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