I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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