I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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