At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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