He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
