glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
