So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
