all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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