I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Randomize
