I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
