So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
