the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Randomize
