a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
