Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
