laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
