How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
