I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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