I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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