I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Randomize
