Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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