tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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