so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
