Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
