This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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