That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think people are normalizing furries
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
