I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
