they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
