Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
