Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
