I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
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Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.