Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.