Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?