we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
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I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
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I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.