I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Please don't give away my fajitas
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
