how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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