Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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