Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
