I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So here I am, sexting at work.
His nipple licking is glorious
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
