we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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