it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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