dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
