Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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