I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
