bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
