Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
