Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
