I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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