Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
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"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
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judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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