So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
