turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
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