As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
