it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
God I need to hump something, right now.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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