So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
