When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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