apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
