i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
