I need to stop coming to work sober
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize