let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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