yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
