Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Randomize