I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
