Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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