Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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