sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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