Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
