Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
