There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
