After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
