So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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