I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
