Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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