is your mom at the bar?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
