This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
