I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize