I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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