Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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