ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We are all done wearing pants today
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
